All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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