I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
