Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
