so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
