This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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