Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
