Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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