is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
