i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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