After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
