i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
