Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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