im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
