I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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