I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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