I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
