Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
