They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
