John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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