just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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