I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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