Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
