Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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