I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
