i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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