i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
