vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
