Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She's the barista slut.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
