He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
