all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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