Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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