Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
