If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
