This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
