How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
