I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My feet surprised me
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