Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
from now on my penis is your penis
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
