Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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