Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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