i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize