If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
