Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
