3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
