i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
