I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
