My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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