Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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