she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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