I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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