bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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