Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
