Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
