For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
