Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
